Here I have been worried over what I thought were friends .. I guess I really do need to learn that what I consider as friends truely aren't what are friends. I guess when I went to work I wasn't available to be there when everyone "needed" me for what ever reason they needed me. Sadly, that is not exactly what I thought was what friends were for.

When they are in need of childcare ... there I was. When they go to the hospital ... there I was. If they needed a ride here or there ... If they were moving & needed help ... & the list goes on. I was always there. Then when I started working I wasn't available at the drop of a hat. Guess that really bothered the "friends" that I thought I had ... a lot.

 When I had my stroke, the only people who helped me were my children -- sadly my husband was in Iraq. My "friends" where no where to be found, my kids took care of me & themselves. When my husband is not here we work together as a family to get though everytime he is gone. I just didn't expect to have to deal with this issue hitting home like this, the day after ... I just want him to come home now. Normally I don't want him home, & deal with the problem ... but this time, I do because I don't want to deal with it.

I have 1 friend (known her for 6 yrs) who I can count on above & beyond anyone. Pity that she doesn't live close, but we talk a bit. Sad thing ... what the hell did I do when I cannot choose my other "friends" like I did when I like her?  I guess I should have known that there was something wrong when that was pretty much all they wanted ... after all there was distanced growing when I started working. I had to do the calling, then the comments about how hard it was to get a hold of me when I worked. Plus now the comments about how money is more important than everything else.

Interesting part ... no one has been there when I have been in & out of the hospital or to check on me when I have been laid up in bed. No one has bothered to see if I needed anything from a store, or bothered to see if I was if my kids were ok. We aren't talking in the last year, we are talking in the last 2 weeks ... I have been in the ER 6 times due to migraines (gotta love 'em) & been out cold because of them to the point I was didn't move from my bed for 2 days. Not one of those people called ... nor did they check on with my husband or anything. Yet they get upset if I don't check on them.

Today I pretty much found out that it's unless I can be there for them, what's the point? I was actually put on the spot about it. They response from me wasn't what they wanted to hear ... I though you could hear their heart beating. Hell let's be honest ... you could. It's a two way street, just like any relationship. You want a friendship it works both ways ... don't expect a lot from when you all you do is take & take. Because quite frankly I have had it. I don't see you here when I need help or some one. I don't see you here when I am having problems. YET that is they ONLY damn time you come looking for me.

You don't call me up to talk, you don't stop over just to say "hi" ... you don't have anything to do with me unless you WANT something from me. The pitiful part, it took me going to work to actually see that this was happening. Otherwise I would have never really seen it.

Call me blind in some ways ... or how ever you want to see it. But in the rest, hurt & angry. I simply cannot believe that a person would use another in the manner like that. Guess I was wrong ... because I can give you a list of people who will do that to you. Unfortunately for me, I though they were actually friends of mine.