doctorsI went to see my docs, I do say that in plural, I end up on a few more meds. Yea for me. I also get told that I am "High risk" for having another stroke ... oh that was the thrill of my week last week. So in all this matter, my daughter was in the room with me as the doctor explain this to me. I could not believe that she told me this in font of my oldest, who of course sit down with my sons & they has a short talking discussion. They have been trying & trying hard to change it all. They do try so hard, it's nice to be honest.
But to be honest, they have to much to live for & they do not need to worry about about me. After all, life is so great & amazing .... you always life for it & not for the negative.
In the last month, they announced "extenting" troops from 12 to 15 months. Then there has been harassment of my children ... the power stearing pump seems to have a hole in it ... & the final 2 items ? (they are reall winners). My docs are freaking because I am "high risk" for another stroke, & right after I found this out ... my house was broken into. (They took a few things from my kids, searched though my dresser, my closet, took few things from my room) In the end, we lost 3 video game systems, the tower to our computer, my 1st wedding ring, & a rangers knife.
I want the pics back that were on the tower .. & I hope they pay for this.
We were to move by Oct ... instead I have to stay her longer. After all this ... I have to keep my kids here & me her longer.
Call me being pissy or whining, but in the end ... I can handle him being gone ~ it's his job ~ but the other items or issues. Give me a break ... that is just wrong.
I am greatful my kids weren't home.
They announced this week that they were going to keep my husband longer in Iraq. BUT their is still a catch 22 going ... I was told 4 extra months, so far they have not announced that. Call it they want individuals to calm down or that they want families to calm down.
But facing the truth the best way to do this. You do not tell a group one time & know that you will be adding an extra month to it. That's gonna anger them even more ...
Supposidly there was a "leak" on this matter. Honestly, they only "leak" that should have happened was them notifying all families, but some decided to keep it to themselves. They reason they did not announce it, money. "Would they get this money or not?" Who really cares, we all want them to come back, We all deserve to know the truth on this matter ... you could have announced it without mentioning the anything financial. That would have prepared them.
In the end, you could have dealt with that when it happened. You should have getting individuals in there for the families & especially the kids. Someone they know will be there & know will help ... bring them to that group & get them talking. Once you do that, it will help ... it will give them something more to consider.
Instead, we watched a wife crying on the news. Talking about this or that death in front of her children. That is not exactly what should have happened ... not for those children.
Today, a few days after all this has occured ... my children are doing fine. Because I had time to get them adjusted & time to deal with it myself. I knew last month, so I was able to deal with this myself & once I had I was able to sit my children down. Once we did that, we were able to talk & discuss this, to get over the angry, and shock. So when they did that horrid announcement, my children were prepared.
That is the only thing I want for my kids, to be prepared & to know ... so they can deal with it in all ways. Children are acceptable to angry, shock, disappointment, sadness & everything that goes with it. Between them & my husband, those are my main concerns. To get this done & make it though this deployment.
After that we will work on recovering from the deployment ... it's just going to be a few more months longer than we expected.
Today could have turn into one of those days, complete horrid & worthless. Instead I decide to (still am trying) to make it a good day. I do not want to have any more.
There is so much in life to be greatful for ... pity that some just don't get it. Or leave others ... you have said what you have to say, Life goes on.
My boys proved it ... homework done. Tons of "I love you " & hugs plus they got to bed on time!!! My daughter was working on her current events ~ she does well with it. My middle son was so tired he went to bed ... poor baby.
You have to love life when it all goes well.
Today I learned that my brother was getting married. Did he bother to tell me? Nope … but it’s all over “Myspace,” my youngest brother knows, yet he doesn’t bother to tell his sister.
I grew up in a house where it was ok to beat the hades out of me, degrade & insult me. Hulimate me in so many ways it was not even funny. Never could you do that to my brothers, and any attempts would cause you to have more pain or harm or it could be both.
I don’t dispise my brothers, because it wasn’t them who did this … it was my parents. They didn’t want a daughter they wanted sons, only sons.
A short time ago, my mother actually used my stroke against her family. But in the end, not even she cared enough about what happened. As long as SHE didn’t create the problem … yes, she actually had the nerve to ask me that. “Did I do this to you?”
As a child I was assaulted, but my parents never knew. Their only daughter was assaulted, torn apart by some freak who had a thrill for little girls … yet, they never knew. When my mother was told, she called me a “whore.” Yep, that is what it means to be assaulted in my house … the person who gave birth to you calls you an horrid name.
When I was raped as a teen, I kept my mouth shut. I made sure I wasn’t pregnant, hope & prayed that I wasn’t diseased, picked myself up & continued on with my life. After all, you learn pretty damn fast when it comes to them. You tell them what happened & they demean you for it.
I had to do that twice as a teen. After that, I wouldn’t let them that close to me or alone with anyone. No dates, not car rides home, nothing that would put me in that position again. Because although you can learn to pick yourself up, you can only take so much when it happens.
Psychologically it was hell, emotionally it I was a walking time bomb, & physically I was torn & shattered.
The abuse I got from my “oh-so-loving” parents didn’t even touch the skin at this point. I wanted them to just kill me, I hoped that they would at one time … ironically, I survived though it. Learned to be a better person, or so I thought …. As I walked into a marriage to an abuser. Guess that is why my parents & him got along so well … huh?
4 years of that hades, & when he wasn’t able to kill me or make me kill myself … it was over.
Now I can go into massive detail in some areas, some I am missing thanks to my stroke … but in the end, I came out a survivor. The proof is my stroke, I didn’t need them when it happened because I raised my children in the right way to be caring & loving individuals … they were there for me, no anyone else.
In the end, I became better. Yes, there are scares ones that will never heal in the way they need to. Yes, there is feelings of hurt, no matter how much you try someone always has to slip into who they were bring them back to the surface. But in the end, I survived to become an amazing mother & wife, a person who has a broad range of feelings & who understands more than most could or want to.
I do not use the abuse, assault, rapes, or my strokes as a “pity me” tool because they are who I am, they helped build me into the strong person I am. With out that, I wouldn’t be able to survive any of what I have as an adult.
Knowing all that, when I learned after making attempts, time after time, that my brother was getting married via a “myspace” page … I was happy for him, I want him to have love & happiness. But I cried because all the attempts I had made were worthless. This had just shown it to me.
As his sister, I wasn’t important enough to tell but the rest of the world was. I told them, I have been so patient with them … I just don’t have that patience or time any more.
She will teach him so much in life, one day he will understand about so much. She makes him smile like no one has seen him do in a while. From this step in his life, he will learn so much. It will be simply amazing to see what will be there later … pity, he won’t be involved in my life.
5 Positive Things:
* acceptance of life
* happy for my brother
* I had a bum day
* I have 3 days off
* Who really cares, life it simply amazing
For the most part I deal with work when have to. There are times when I have to deal with complete BS ... honestly, I would prefer this not happening.
But I have given a lot of though over everything accusation that was made ... considered so much that was I was accused of I am truely shocked that I still have a job. Honestly, I have come to one really conclusion ... why are these individuals even in the position they are?
I have been accused of "not completeing anything." So basically I imagined starting & completing art work, baby, towels, tearing down some end caps to put some one wheels, cleaning up the stock room, creating the books & games area, doing stationary the 1st time .... that is just off the top of my head. I, also, imaged the books that I make sure they had to help us all out, plus the OSHA info that I have collected & combined into a binder. I obviously did not do any of the truck at any time, did not do anything when it came to inventory ... (really interesting there since I had to get the GUNS at one time) So in what ever reality they live in, I would sincerely like to know who did all this?
Then comes "we are a team." In all actually, you are not nor have you shown any capabilty of act as one. When you REFUSED to continue to help out another member in your store, you are not a team. When you trash other individiuals you work with, you are not a team. You are a team at sticking together & making accusations. That is the only thing I saw during that time. I am going to guess that by doing this, they hope to hold a front that cannot be broken. OH & don't accused another of not doing something because they both jump down your back. That I got the biggest laugh out of later.
Complaining about changing this or that. Now books, I will state I didn't sit down & talk with anyone. But with the rest, I did. Even when I moved stuff I had a discussion with the MANAGER to see if she would agree ... oh hades did the earth turn, I think the ground is quaking!!! Run ... and she did. When it was Towels, I was told to do something & I did it ... got a problem, call the person who told me to fix it.
When you "fix an area" you are suppose to MOVE the shelves, adjust them to the height of the tallest item. If you are incapable of doing that, then you are not "fixing an area" in the way it needs to. We are to make the itmes we recieve FIT INTO the store, leave them in the back,hidden away because we do not know who to make space. Honestly, do you think I like doing this? Coming in, starting an area ... come back after a few days & completeing it because NO ONE else is capable of doing it? (FYI that is proof of lack of team work.)
We need this before & after a truck. No, we do not have the hours on the schedule to have that. Please do not lie & say before inventory you all "cleaned" the store because I was walked though & told me fix it. There were products between the shelves through out the store. Personally, I was embarrassed because I was told to fix it. Yea for me ... fix what you claim to have done. (Do you see an issue with this?)
Now see, my FAVORITE part ... I am always there at the store. Monday I was at dealing with medical ~ no where near the store. Wed, I forgot to take the aprons home the night before & wash them, so I had to get them. I also told the new employee that I would have one back for her. I have been in Silverdale, Kitsap, Olympia, Centrelia, Aurbun ... and a few other areas on my days off. Just because I was there a few times doesn't mean anything. I can make a list of who else come in there on their days off ... want to chew them out as well? (One will prob laugh her head off & tell you that you are being fools.)
Then my cell is ALWAYS going off, what another lie. There are times when it does. It can be from another store, or my kids. But I do tell customers "I am sorry." I do not walk around talking on my phone & do not like it used against me. Currently I am dealing with my kids on my own, there for who do you think they call? When some of the other stores call me, they tend to call my cell instead because they know they can reach me. If I am busy, I simply shut the sound off & deal with the call when I need to.
But I do not walk around "chit chatting" on the phone. I have a job to do & that is usually what I am trying to do. So, when I ask you to get off the phone ... do not attempt to use it against me, in the end, you look like the fool. Not me.
"This person tells me" or "that person said" you know that is really funny because I have worked with them. They haven't had the nerve to say it to me. One that you accused of saying it, I know fact has had NO problems talking to me in the past.
Aside from that, do you know what gossip is? (Oh yea they do, they are just as good at using it) Do you understand that is it meant to cause problems? Does this even matter? A simple statement ends it all "You need to talk with that individual & not with me." Because in a few cases it's simply flat out lies or just drama to cause problems.
Some individuals may have left that meeting saying it was "worth the time" & I left seeing that it was a complete lack of my time. The one thing that I did learn .... keep my back to a wall, because it might end up with a knife in it. Other than that, I should have been out training an individual to properally close a store, putting carts up, & basically doing my job instead of sitting listening to the want to be drama from their mouths.
But to make my life so much more exciting ... we are to have this type of DRAMA regualarly. Why? What is truely the point? So some individauls can vent the aggression they have on the shoulders? Because nothing was resolved or solved ... but it did show their ability to turn on anyone, even someone who TRIED to work with them.
Now it's their turn to adapt.
5 Positive things:
* it was nice to vent that out & get it straight in my head
* at least I know the truth
* going to clean my house
* going to visit the mall ... far away but a mall.
* don't call my cell, cause hon you won't get a reply or answer!
Another Problem!I'm Screwed!Paid in Full